I had a conversation with a friend of mine last week. We were talking about relationships and what we 'need'. We talked about how people have their own ways of showing love and not everyone is the same. Everyone has their own 'love language'- how they receive/need to be love. It was a great conversation with her- as always. It's definitely nice to have someone to share things with and for it to be without judgement or ego.
Someone's 'love language' could be cuddling while someone else doesn't want to be touched. To someone else, it may be that their man fixes things around the house to show his love. It could be that someone cleans the house to show their love. It could be that someone buys you presents and/or spends money on you. It can be any number of things. Everyone is different.
One thing I know for sure is that all our needs are met- one way or another- if we pay attention. For example, after having this conversation, I went to get laser hair removal (ouch) and I felt pretty vulnerable afterwards. Then I went to my friend Blitch's house to visit; who I had not seen in years. As soon as he saw me, he gave me a huge hug. He told me I looked amazing. He proceeded to massage my hands which were sore from being on the computer. Then he put his arm around me, put his head on my shoulder and we had a long meaningful conversation. It was so nice. He wasn't trying to 'put the moves' on me. He was just being loving and affectionate. Then he gave me a couple of shirts from his clothing line. Bonus!!!
He also told me something that meant a lot to me. He brought up a conversation we had 4 years before and he told me how I and that conversation had made a difference in his life. He shared what was happening for him and I shared what I felt to share. He just looked at me and said that if what I said had come from anyone else, he would have blown it off- thought I was 'preaching' about something I had no idea about. However, since it had come from me (and he loves and respects me) and my life is working, he was open to listen. It was nice to be appreciated and loved for who I am.
After I left Blitch, I realized that all of my needs had been met without me even asking. I didn't set out for it to happen but it did. I'm single and don't have a man around to do this for me, however Blitch filled in so lovingly- and not in a sexual way either. I'm sure he had no idea but he made me feel loved. And from what he has said to me, I make him feel loved as well- listened to. It was so effortless and it came to me the same day I was talking about it. So cool.
On the opposite end, there was my birthday. I love celebrating birthdays. I love celebrating others on their birthday. Because of that, I had expectations about what my birthday would be like. I went out of town to visit a friend, in which I thought part of the time at least, we would be celebrating my birthday. It didn't go anything like I expected. There was no celebration. There was nothing. It was anti-climactic.
It brought up a lot of stuff for me and I was upset and hurt. I took all to mean that he didn't care and that I didn't matter. He did what he did, which wasn't 'wrong' but I reacted, which was all about me. I 'expected' something more which was my stuff and instead of talking about it, I went home hurt and confused. We ended up having a fight (which was about something completely different) and not talking for months. I focused on what he didn't do for me which was all about me.
But what DID happen on my birthday and afterwards, (I wasn't focused on it at first), was that I got a lot of phone calls. I got a lot of messages of love on Facebook. I got a beautiful card from my parents saying how much they loved me and how special I was to them which meant so much to me. One friend brought me flowers. Another friend came by just to give me a hug. Another friend took me to dinner. Another gave me a massage. My 'needs' ended up getting met- it just wasn't the way I expected and/or from who I expected.
And as life can happen, my friend's girlfriend totally blew off his birthday and he picked me to tell about it. I just smiled, laughed and said 'sounds familiar doesn't it'? It was then that he 'got it'- or at least I think he did. They got to mirror each other. He got to see his behavior mirrored in his now x-girlfriend. He was hurt by her disregard for his birthday like I was hurt for his disregard of mine.
I have a lot of friends on here who have told me that they have a hard time receiving. They worry that if they receive something that something else will be expected in return. I used to worry about this. I could not accept help because I felt like I would then 'owe' someone else. I got in my own way in receiving.
It came to a point where I really started to look at why I had a problem with receiving and think what was it that made me feel that way. I realized that deep down, when I was giving, I was somehow expecting something in return- I was one of those people who I complained about. I would expect a thank you or some kind of acknowledgement. Recognizing that was very humbling. And once I realized how I was 'giving' and let that go, all expectations on both sides- giving and receiving- went away. I was free. Now I can give and receive without expectations. It is a relief.
And of course, once I got that, it was all put to the test. As some of you know, I was 'homeless' for about 3 years- though I prefer to call it a 'spiritual journey'. I was never on the streets but I could have been- if I had not learned to receive. It started out as places to stay, then it was money. That was the hardest for me. I was not working so I didn't feel right to accept money. However I got to a point to where I could not pay my car payment. I was in danger of losing it.
I had been praying overtime- asking for money. I had in my mind that it would come to me through a job or I would sell something. But, as life happens, an old friend who I had not talked to in about 12 years contacted me on Facebook. He said he had thought of me for years and felt the need to reach out. As soon as he heard my voice, he knew something was wrong. After much prodding, I told him what was happening. I was living in a yoga school, had no job or money and was having a hard time. Then he asked me for my bank account number. I refused but he insisted. I finally caved. He said he just wanted to help and that it was something he could do. He told me to accept- he expected nothing in return. Just to help me. It was very humbling and I cried a lot.
It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done. I received and it freaked me out. I felt so bad but I realized that I had been praying- begging- for help and it had shown up. It didn't look how I thought it would look but it showed up none the less. I 'got' for me to say no, it would have been like telling God no. He answered my prayer and I would be shoving it back in his face. I took a deep breath and said yes.
And now, at this moment, after having a really rough, emotional few days, I am in Vegas with my girlfriends. We are here celebrating my friend's daughter LeeLoo's 6th birthday. I have known LeeLoo since she was two (and I used to be her nanny) so we are very close. I have gotten so much love and support and all I feel is joy in this moment. It feels so amazing!!! Again, our needs are always met- even if we don't even know what we need at the time.
So, anyway, how many of you have a problem with receiving? Or giving freely? I invite you to take this opportunity to look inside and ask yourself why. What are you afraid of? Is there something inside yourself that feels you are not worthy?
Please keep in mind that if you have problems receiving, that means that things will not freely come to you- including prosperity and wealth. It's all about balance. And also realize that as much as you enjoy giving, so do other people. If don't receive, you are denying them that gift to give to you.
If you are reading this far, maybe this is a sign to change your outlook. I highly recommend it :-)
